The following are some frequently asked questions about my first book, Social Media Is Bullshit.

1. When is the book coming out and who is the publisher?

Social Media Is Bullshit is being published by St. Martin’s Press, which is a division of Macmillan. They’re the same people who put out Kardashian Konfidential. Unfortunately, Kim Kardashian’s tits were unavailable to write my book for me, but her ass promised to do the forward.

St. Martin’s putting out books like Kardashian Konfidential makes releasing books like mine possible, so while it’s mildly embarrassing to share a publisher with the living embodiment of everything that’s wrong with America, I’m still happy all the same.

Social Media Is Bullshit will be in stores in the UK, Canada, and the U.S. starting September 4th, 2012. I listed these countries in order of their ability to read.

Pre-orders will start in April. I’ll put a link here to Amazon as soon as I have one.

Oh … and I guess those other places too. The Nook is a far better device to beat someone to death with than a Kindle, so I shouldn’t forget about the mildly deranged people who own one. Who knows what they’re capable of?

I also don’t know when the book will be out in the rest of the world. St. Martin’s just has the North American and U.K. rights.

So, sorry Tuvalu. I know all twelve of your citizens will be bummed by this news, but cheer up: By using your country in a joke just now, you might have a few more people know that you exist.

And that’s something … Right?

2. The book cover says “B.J. Mendelson” wrote this. Your name is “Brandon Mendelson”. What gives?

Using B.J. Mendelson for the professional stuff, and Brandon Mendelson for the humor stuff also allows me to do things like email The White House and get a serious reply from them, which I did. Why did I email the White House asking to interview the president? If enough of you buy Social Media Is Bullshit, you’ll find out.

There are some really funny jokes in Social Media Is Bullshit, but it is NOT a humor book because it’s coming out under the B.J. Mendelson name. The subject is very serious, but I wrote about it in a funny way.

For that reason, any future books like Social Media Is Bullshit will come out under “B.J. Mendelson” and any humor books will come out under my full name, “Brandon Mendelson”.

3. Isn’t it ironic that you use “social media” to criticize “social media”? 

No. “Social media” doesn’t actually exist. “Social Media” is a buzzword the honkys came up with to describe stuff the Web and Internet already does in order to sell you bullshit.

“Social media” is not a thing. Just like “Web 2.0″. That wasn’t a thing either. Cosmetics and usability aside (and even then, that’s stretching it for some places), The Internet and the Web really hasn’t changed that much since the ’90s.

In a lot of ways, the Internet and the Web are a lot like Burger King. Sure some of the stores look different over time, and the menu might get a few additions here and there, but you’re still eating the same shit they’ve been serving since 1953.

The only difference is that some jackass came along and dressed things up a bit and gave  some of the products different names.

I like to call this “The Asshole Based Economy”. “The Asshole Based Economy” describes the process of some asshole repackaging some old shit in order to sell it to someone who doesn’t know any better in order to further their own financial interests.

So, what we really have to work with when people say “social media” are tools. Tools that may or may not be good for you to use.

Remember: They’re no “good” or “bad” tools, it all depends on how you use them and whether or not your audience is there in the first place. In a lot of cases? They’re not.

4. What is the book about?

Social Media Is Bullshit is a guided tour through the bullshit factory that is the social media industry. You’ll see how their primary product, bullshit, is made, who is selling it, and how they’ve been getting away with it since 2007. In some ways, the social media industry is a lot like Wall Street, repackaging and selling crap in the hope that you don’t notice, all the while making themselves rich in the process.

That packaging and selling of bullshit, just like what happened on Wall Street, is currently fueling a new economic bubble that’ll have disastrous effects on artists, entrepreneurs, and small business owners when it pops. My goal is to get those people out of harm’s way by exposing them to the truth before it’s too late.

Although I was reluctant to do so, I also share some advice I’ve learned from publishing content on the Web professionally since 2002. That advice is just what I think though, and it ain’t the gospel. I’ve just been in the unfortunate position throughout the years to use every major tool that’s come out and failed horribly at doing so.

Out of my pain, embarrassment, and humiliation comes wise words of caution. Or … so I’d like to think. I’m sure some dipshit on Amazon will give me a one star review and say they weren’t so wise, but what are you going to do? People are dicks.

5. What are the critics going to say about this book?

The primary defense for marketers, tech companies, tech reporters, and other true believers of “social media” when you call them out is something I call “Attack & Distract”.

Try it some time. Write something knocking “social media” or any of these tech companies and individuals, and you’ll see it play out in the comments section. “You don’t know what you’re talking about because there was that one time you did the thing, and that thing was stupid, so you’re stupid. Shut up stupid.”

That’s been the go to response every time I or anyone criticizes ”social media” or whatever it is that these people are hyping. It’s always personal attacks, no facts, and bad logic.Every. Single. Time.

I’m not a cynic or a curmudgeon. But. I don’t think people can take advantage of the things the Web can do for them until we clear up this bullshit that distracts them and wastes their money.

This book is meant to clean up that bullshit. I never want to hear from a small business, artists, or entrepreneur “I don’t know what to do” and “I’m going to give this shady looking guy with the box cutter a lot of money because he knows how to get me more fans on Facebook”.

I’m not the first guy to call out the “social media” industry, and I won’t be the last, but that’s not the point of the book. The point is to clean up the bullshit so people can go back to doing what they’re good at: Making stuff.

One other thing about the critics:

I am also sure someone will say, “B.J. Mendelson* says ‘Social Media Is Bullshit’, but he also has a profile on most every platform out there”.

You know something about that? If I didn’t have a profile anywhere, they’d be like “This guy says ‘Social Media Is Bullshit’, but he doesn’t use it, so what does he know?”

Like I said above, once you get past the fact that “social media” is just a buzzword, you’re left with these tools, and sometimes, the tools who talk about these tools and think they’re great.

Personally? I’m a geek and like to play with the new toys when they roll out; however, all because I like to experiment with them doesn’t mean I am recommending you use them either.

6. Aren’t you going to get rich off this? Doesn’t that make you part of The Asshole Based Economy you’re talking about in the book?

My advance was $26,000. That may sound like a lot of money, but it’s only $1,000 more than what Traveler’s Insurance in downtown Glens Falls, New York, was going to pay me to work there as an insurance agent. In order to help pay the bills, I took a full time day job at Adirondack Broadcasting where I’m working 9-5 just like everyone else out there.

I also have to use this advance from St. Martin’s, paid out in three checks over a very long stretch of time, for any marketing I plan to do for the book.

So, things are tight financially.

I also don’t do consulting, workshops, coaching, or any of that other bullshit that all these guys do. To be clear: I have no interest in ever doing any of that shit.

I’m not releasing this book for those reasons, and it’s not something I’m going to make money from.

I’m also not going to get rich off this book. I’ll be lucky to break even by selling a thousand copies. Most books don’t sell more than five hundred copies according to Publisher’s Weekly. Fewer still sell more than a thousand, and way less sell more than that.

And if the book tanks? I’m fucked.

Seriously. I have no real skills other than writing and talking. I’m virtually unemployable.

So, if anyone who tells you I wrote a book like this to get money and attention is an asshole.

I wrote this book, instead of a straight-up humor book, because I thought the truth needed to be told. Let’s clean up the bullshit, get artists, small businesses, and entrepreneurs focusing their time and resources on making stuff and not buying it, and do something awesome together.

If in the event the book does well, which may or may not take the work of Tim Tebow to make happen, peace be upon him, this will be the start of something awesome that we’ll experience together.

Promise.